Top 12 New Commandments

  1. Anyone who says Thou Shalt Not one more time gets whacked

  2. Thou shalt continue to read the second part of the Passover Haggadah after the Seder meal

  3. Ladies' wigs count as hair

  4. Thou shalt have no other gods before breakfast

  5. For the last time, circumcision stays

  6. Thou shalt not colorize Hollywood movies

  7. Endives are acceptable Lulav substitutes

  8. Due to illness, the role of the prophet Elijah in Kings II 15-21 will be played by Ed Asner

  9. To prevent further embarrassment, the name Oral Tradition will be replaced by Spoken Tradition

  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Mac

  11. Thou shalt not begin thy jokes with "A priest, a minister and a rabbi," so that your days will be lengthened on G-d's earth

  12. It's Hanukkah - not Chanooca, not Chanucca - Hanukkah, always and everywhere, got it?

The JCN Top 12 List is a regular feature of the Jewish Communication Network, Circulating this list without attribution and our URL deprives your friends of the chance to sample our humor for themselves.

Back to "Books for Jewish Children"

Back to Lori's Mishmash Jewish Humor Page

Back to Lori's Mishmash Humor Page

[an error occurred while processing this directive]