As I Was Saying ...

by Leon Schwarzbaum

As I was saying to Pat Buchanan, it's not the Jews who are ruining this country, it's the people who don't think the Jews should be rounded up and put into work camps.

As I was saying to Yassir Arafat, as long as he talks about Jihad in Arabic, it doesn't count when tallying up anti-Israel activity.

As I was saying to Pat Robertson, not believing Jesus is the Messiah is such a mortal sin there should be no ban on killing those who don't.

As I was saying to Jerry Falwell, any choir with full-breasted sopranos who wear low-cut vee-neck blouses is OK with me.

As I was saying to George W. Bush, it serves his brother right for marrying a Puerto Rican. No wonder Jeb can't buy a nice condo in Florida. George asked,"Jeb who?"

As I was saying to Avi Weiss, another cross, more or less, isn't going to make the Poles less anti-Semitic, so get 'em all knocked down.

As I was saying to Mendele, the matchmaker, the girl he wants me to meet is a polyandrist. She says she'll marry me but I'll have to lay Tfillin.

As I was saying to the rabbi of a new shul in Florida, he's lucky to be starting a new congregation, because every new member will claim to be a Kohan, former president of his shul up North and unable to contribute because he's still paying off the UJA pledge he made in Teaneck, NJ in 1967.

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