Continuing the current trend of large scale mergers and acquisitions , it was
announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300
years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and 8 days of Chanukah was
becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the
world will be abl Hannumas to enjoy consistently high quality service
during the 15 Days of, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being
the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on
the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great
miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic
"Miraculous s--- happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and
his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In
fact, one of the points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred
years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last
year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy
about this development except for Santa's dentist.
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa
might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that were it not for
the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and
Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all
present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."