Reform Rules

from How to Be an Extremely Reform Jew by David M. Bader

The mezuzah: Even if you have no idea what it is, by all means affirm the Extremely Reform Jewishness of your home by owning religious artifacts that you find puzzling. Each member of the household, each time they pass it, should touch it gently with their fingertips and then kiss their fingertips, until everyone in the household has the same flu symptoms.

Jewish Dietary Laws are not to be confused with Jewish Laws of Dieting, though both involve widespread rationalizing and cheating. Making food kosher involves removing unwanted impurities, such as flavor. This process is described in greater detail in the Jewish bestseller, When Bad Things Happen to Good Cuts of Meat.

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