G-d Sues Studio Over Movie Adaptation

By Tim Casady

June 23, 1999. G-d has announced a lawsuit against Diznee Studios. The lawsuit concerns the movie adaptation of Mr. G-d's seminal work, "The Holy Bible." Until the case goes to trial, G-d seeks a court injunction barring the movie from being released.

Samuel Dallas, a lawyer representing Mr. G-d said, "My client's creative control over the work has been blatantly disregarded. My client's wishes were that 'not one word may be changed' in the adaptation from book to movie format."

Sandra Cummings, a spokesperson for Diznee Studios, defends Diznee's adaptation. "The original manuscript had gratuitous sex scenes that were unsuitable for family viewing. Diznee Studios makes movies for the whole family. It is our standard practice therefore to edit out any sex scenes from our screenplays."

Mr. Dallas charges, "This is censorship, pure and simple! My client's manuscript has been mangled at the hands of this studio." But Ms. Cummings replies, "Mr. G-d fails to understand the nature of our business. Our right to revise the screen play as necessary was clearly spelled out in our contract."

Michael Meckels, a movie critic who saw an advanced preview, offered this insight. "Right from the movie's opening scenes, you know something is wrong. Consider the original book. Adam and Eve started off naked, then they started playing with fruit, and suddenly they had to go have sex. Classic risqué humor. But look at the movie. Adam and Eve are never naked. They eat rye bagels rather than kinky fruit. They never have sex. They get their children Cain and Abel from an orphanage."

George Williams, another movie critic, offers a different perspective. "A must-see movie! I applaud the changes that Diznee made to the script. In the original book, King Solomon had a bunch of women who lived in his immoral harem. Filthy. But in the new, improved screenplay, King Solomon is a wise bachelor who doesn't sleep around. We need more 'family values' movies like this one!"

Walt Wilks, defense attorney for Diznee says, "Mr. G-d's lawsuit is baseless. The judge will throw this case out of court." Asked why he is so confident against a plaintiff as influential as G-d, Wilks smiles calmly. "If we believe His claims, He is omniscient. Thus, He knew from the beginning of time how Diznee would handle the screenplay. The fact that He decided to go with Diznee anyway signifies that He endorsed Diznee's handling."

G-d could not be reached for comment.

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