Jewish Bumper Stickers
- If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
- If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
- No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry; but then again, no one leaves
with a hangover.
- After the sixth day, God created Loehmann's.
- Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?
- Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.
- Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of
- The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
- Always whisper the names of diseases.
- If you don't eat, it will kill me.
- Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
- Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
- Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
- Prune danish is an acquired taste.
- Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
- Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
- Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami Beach.
- Before you read the menu, read the prices.
- According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in
- If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for
everyone else to hear.
- No meal is complete without leftovers.
- What business is a yenta in? Yours.
- If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford
it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.
- Prozac is like chicken soup: it doesn't cure anything, but it makes you
- Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating
dinner at four in the afternoon.