You Might Be a Jewish Redneck If ...

  1. You think that marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, but biblically mandated

  2. Your home is mobile and your sukkah ain't

  3. You have a gun rack in your sukkah

  4. your idea of Shalosh Seidos is a six pack of beer and some Redman

  5. Ad Lo Yoda applies just about every night.

  6. You think KKK is a kosher symbol

  7. You speak more English than your shul president

  8. You light Shabbat candles from your cigarette

  9. The only plant in your home is your lulav

  10. The only area on your lawn that is mowed is the spot where you burn your Chametz

  11. Your idea of bathing is using the mikvah

  12. Your siddur lists the Sabbath greeting as : "Shabbot Shalom Y'all"

  13. Your Shabbat suit was a blue light special at K-mart

  14. Willie Nelson sang at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah

  15. Your local scribe shoots his own parchment

  16. You've ever used the theme to "Rawhide" as a tune for the Kedusha

  17. You've ever fired a shotgun at the sound of Haman's name

  18. Your belt buckle is bigger than your Yarmulke

  19. You give Ma'aser from your spittoon

  20. A tish just ain't a tish without a bugzapper

  21. You've ever called the "Psychic Friends Network" to answer a halachic question

  22. When you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, you let your hunting dogs loose

  23. You know what Barach to make when you see a UFO

  24. Your Rabbi ever yelled "Yee-Haw" during his sermon

  25. You think the mechitza is an Italian food

  26. You think a hora is a high priced call girl

  27. You keep a can of spray paint in your Tallis bag

  28. You wear a white hood for Havdallah

  29. You know which brand of grits have an acceptable Kashrut supervision

  30. If your Omer counting calendar has ever come up with three cherries in a row

Back to "Books for Jewish Children"

Back to Lori's Mishmash Jewish Humor Page

Back to Lori's Mishmash Humor Page

[an error occurred while processing this directive]