We Are the Very Model of A Modern Major Synagogue

by Stan Plunka
(Adapted from Gilbert & Sullivan's THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE)


We are the very model of a modern major synagogue,
Our services are innovative but lean toward the classical,
Our Baal Kriah seldom makes mistakes except for the grammatical,
We are knowledgeable of Maimonides, but rarely get too philosophical
Our dues are very reasonable and are never astronomical.

In fact in matters of the mind (most seriously - not comical)
We are the very model of a modern major synagogue.

We have the finest Tallesim this side of the Galapagos,
Our auditorium so large it can hold a convention of hippopatamos.
We do so many mitzvohs without a hint of contankerous,
We can understand each bit of Rashi & how it can relate to us.

We often sing Adom Olam without trying to be lyrical,
We never say Tehillim at a speed that is incredible.
We have agrounding in Gematria and apply its principals mathematical,
And at Kol Nidre, never failing, we always reach our pinnacle.

In short in Matters unequivocal, ethical and metaphysical,
We are the very model of a modern major synagogue.

We can recite the Shulchan Aruch and its chapters catagorial,
We know Judean Kings & their lineage historical,
We plan our renovations without them being so conglomeratus,
And with other shuls consider merging at risking being deleterious.

Our kashrut observance never gets fanatical,
Yet we know the hechshers for eating daily & Sabbatical,
We've kiddushes luxurios and pleasing gastronomical,
With kugels which are potato, lukshen, spinach or vegetable.

No doubt in matters that are animal, vegetable (slash) edible,
We are the very model of a modern major synagogue.

Our brotherhood's yearly man is never egotistical,
Our sisterhood's noted for dinners delicious and delectable,
And our discussions of Moshiach never reach a realm hysterical
Indeed, in matters which are political, socio and economical,
We are the very model of a modern major synagogue.

Our teen minyonim fully comprehends the war of Gog & Magogik,
We have the needed Ganzer Machers none of whom is demagogik.
Undeniably in matters that are mystical, sensible and spiritual,
We are the very model of a modern major synagogue.



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