Modern Chanukah Parody



Did you ever stop to think how the story of Chanukah evolved over the years? How accurate is the current account, and how was it changed as retold over time? If the Chanukah story had originated in our modern era, how would it be recounted in two thousand years? Here is one plausible scenario - courtesy of our temple president , Alan Siegel

As a young girl growing up in Brooklyn in the late 1900s, Judy Goldbaum was fascinated with sports, particularly baseball. Her family was poor, however, and they could not afford the price of a ticket to see the local baseball teams play. Her mother was a teacher and her father owned a small bakery. In those days the average ball player's salary would have paid the salary of fifty teachers. Consequently, one baseball ticket was the same price as about five pounds of good corned beef.

But Judy was a good student, studied hard, earned a scholarship to state college. While there, she fell in love with a young Scottish exchange student, named Sean MacAbee. Sean and Judy were married in their senior year, and although not pleased with the intermarriage, Judy's parents liked Sean. Judy majored in business and Sean became an accountant, but Judy's first love was still baseball.

Sean and Judy managed a nice living until one day, Sean won the Power Ball lottery. Sean told Judy she could have anything she wanted. Baseball was in the midst of yet another expansion, and she told Sean that she wanted to fulfill her lifelong dream of owning a baseball team. Sean granted her wish and Judy put in a bid for the expansion team in Northwest Canada. She was successful and became the owner of the new Nova Scotia Lox.

Judy knew that to be successful as an expansion team, she would have to delve deeply into the free agent market. She had one great pitcher already (Burt Shamos), but alas, she had only enough room under the salary cap to sign one quality free agent. Then a miracle happened. Sean figured out how to restructure the contracts of her existing players, and Judy was able to sign not one, but eight quality free agents. Shamos went on to win 25 games that season and led the Lox to the World Series. Judy MacAbee and the Lox defeated the Philadelphia Philistines (give me a little license here please) in six games to win the world title.

today, we commemorate this miracle by lighting one candle for each of the free agents. A ninth, middle candle is lit first to kindle the remaining candles, symbolic of the spark provided by the team leader, Burt Shamos.

Happy Chanukah to all.



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