New Jewish Dictionary

JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.

TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.

SANTASHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for why they celebrate Hannukah while the rest of humanity celebrates Christmas.

MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

BUBBEGUM n. Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper.

DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face but not knowing exactly when.

DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes..

GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.

HEBORT vb. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar Mitzvah

JEWDO n. A traditional form of self defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.

MEINSTEIN slang. "My son, the genius."

MISHPOCHAMARKS n. The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo as you.

ROSH HASHANANA n. A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.

YIDENTIFY vb. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.

MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.

FEELAWFUL n. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

DISKVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, med school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son, David, is majoring in biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification)

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