New Outbreaks of Indoor Forest Growth Reported

by Jonathan Colan

NEW YORK, NY (DPI) - Scientists at the Environmental Protection Agency are warning citizens about an unexplained outbreak of forest growth in many homes and businesses.

Dr. Morris Schwartz explains, "We started getting reports just after Thanksgiving that people were spotting fir trees in office reception areas and employee lounges where none had been before. Take this report from Benjamin Kass in Miami Beach, 'One afternoon when I got back from court, suddenly there's this tree in my law firm's reception area. My mother would plotz if she saw such a thing inside.' We've got similar reports coming in from orthodontist offices, accounting firms, and delicatessens all over New York, Hollywood, and Cherry Hill."

Also troubling are reports that houses in residential areas all over the country are eerily glowing each night, some in various colors. Said David Rothberg, of Philadelphia, "Each night on my way home, more and more houses are giving off a strange series of lights. I hope there hasn't been a radiation leak or something. My mother is gonna worry sick about me." Dr. Schwartz has consulted with colleagues at Mount Sinai, Cedars, and Brandies, but no one has been able to explain these strange phenomena. Dr. Schwartz's mother, however, suggests that chicken soup and a nice Jewish girl can solve almost any problem.

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