New Customs For Rosh Hashanah
by the Editors of JCN
- Anyone guilty of talking during services must apologize to the entire
congregation
- Celebrate 5758 by sampling every one of Heinz' 5757 varieties
- Celebrate an interactive Sukkot with lulavand@rog
- Close up the Roach Motel in honor of Roach Hashanah
- Dance the Machatanasta - Oy, Macarena
- Get a jazz band to back up the shofar blowing
- Have the annual article on the High Holidays in the local paper written by
someone who knows what Judaism is all about
- Instead of auctioning aliyahs, auction prayer breaks for snoozing
- Keep the kids in Junior Congregation ALL DAY
- Make Rosh Hashana a national USA holiday so we can have another 3-day weekend
and shut up those who call USA a Christian country
- New addition to Al Chet prayer for a certain Presidential candidate: For the
sin of election year conversion to a pro-Israel stance, despite having one
of the most anti-Israel records in the Senate
- Pour honey over you Mac
- Pray for humor
- Prove your fidelity to family values by celebrating RUSH Hashanah
- Require ALL Jews to observe both days of Rosh Hashanah so boss won't ask - Why
do you take two days off, while Shapiro only takes one
- Sprinkle bread crumbs in the water so the fish will be able to follow you home
- Ten minute time limit on how long the Cantor can spend on one paragraph during
Musaf
- Twenty minute time limit on the Rabbi's sermons