Religious Tech Support




Ring ring...

G-d: Hello this is the religion help line, what is your disbelief?

Human: I seem to have lost my faith.

G-d: Was your faith installed by an ordained priest or a Catholic Minister?

Human: Ummm... lets see, I have a conformation, so it must have been a priest.

G-d: And have you been doing your Faith updates with Weekly Services©?

Human: Well, no, not all of them, but I did get the big upgrade at Christmas and Easter, and a few other Weekly Services here and there.

G-d: Have you recently heard any contrary Data that might have corrupted your faith?

Human: Not that I can think of..

G-d: Please remember that corrupting data can come in many forms, from Simple Lies ©*(Microsoft) or Street Rhetoric (Internet). Have your Ears downloaded anything that might be construed as corrupting?

Human: Well I did listen to a bum on the street that said that G-d was asleep and that anyone who believes was being lulled into the fires of hell.

G-d: What you have is a paradox, that is the problem with your faith, you see, somehow you have an INI string installed that does not let you Believe in G-d, but the output of this string is a Goto Hell. Without G-d there is no hell, thus the paradox.

Human: And how do I get this Paradox out of my system?

G-d: Please re-read the book that came with your faith, The Bible(tm) and recall the passages that deal with heaven and hell, and look to the passages about Judas.ini ©. You can also find some help in the Psalms 100-120, but those are long and confusing and should only be used with a complete lack of Faith.

Human: And what can I do so that my Faith never becomes corrupted again?

G-d: Well there are several products out there just for that purpose, Lotus Devout(tm), Microsoft Seminary Plus(tm), and Netscape Hereafter Browser(tm). If you use these products and not download data from know corrupting sources, you should be fine.

Human: Well thank you very much God, This should help out a lot, I should be believing in you without a doubt in no time.

G-d: Go in Peace(tm) my son.

Ring ring...

G-d: Hello this is the religion help line, what is your disbelief?

Human: Hello, I am now Jewish(tm)...



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